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via IFTTT The day's High is 23C (73F) with a Low of 9C (49F). #runwithk

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via IFTTT Good morning! Sunrise at March 31, 2014 at 06:27AM, It's currently, 51ºF. Current condition is: Fair. Have a good one. #runwithk

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via IFTTT The day's High is 21C (69F) with a Low of 9C (48F). #runwithk

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via IFTTT Good morning! Sunrise at March 30, 2014 at 06:29AM, It's currently, 68ºF. Current condition is: Fair. Have a good one. #runwithk

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via IFTTT The day's High is 28C (82F) with a Low of 14C (58F). #runwithk

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via IFTTT Good morning! Sunrise at March 29, 2014 at 06:31AM, It's currently, 51ºF. Current condition is: Fair. Have a good one. #runwithk

Best way to wrap up a crazy week....

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via IFTTT The day's High is 24C (75F) with a Low of 13C (55F). #runwithk

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via IFTTT Good morning! Sunrise at March 28, 2014 at 06:33AM, It's currently, 53ºF. Current condition is: Fair. Have a good one. #runwithk

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via IFTTT The day's High is 21C (69F) with a Low of 11C (51F). #runwithk

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via IFTTT Good morning! Sunrise at March 27, 2014 at 06:33AM, It's currently, 49ºF. Current condition is: Fair. Have a good one. #runwithk

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via IFTTT Good morning! Sunrise at March 26, 2014 at 06:35AM, It's currently, 60ºF. Current condition is: Fair. Have a good one. #runwithk

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via IFTTT Good morning! Sunrise at March 25, 2014 at 06:35AM, It's currently, 55ºF. Current condition is: Fair. Have a good one. #runwithk

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via IFTTT Good morning! Sunrise at March 24, 2014 at 06:37AM, It's currently, 57ºF. Current condition is: Fair. Have a good one. #runwithk

6 pairs for $32. #shoeporn #gottalovesales

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via IFTTT Good morning! Sunrise at March 23, 2014 at 06:40AM, It's currently, 56ºF. Current condition is: Fair. Have a good one. #runwithk

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Castle and I had a fun morning at the Awesome 80s run. Cool Darth Vader Bling too! #bling #runwithk #FFCHECKIN #Fitfluential #girlsgonesporty #sweatpink

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via IFTTT Good morning! Sunrise at March 22, 2014 at 06:40AM, It's currently, 58ºF. Current condition is: Fair. Have a good one. #runwithk

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via IFTTT Going as a chick version of Thor for the Awesome 80's 5K tomorrow. Taking the dog with me. This should be entertaining! #runwithk #80sChild

An awesome coworker brought my this yummy treat.

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via IFTTT Good morning! Sunrise at March 21, 2014 at 06:42AM, It's currently, 49ºF. Current condition is: Fair. Have a good one. #runwithk

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via IFTTT Good morning!. Sunrise at March 20, 2014 at 06:44AM, It's currently, 7ºC. Current condition is: Fair. Have a good one. #runwithk

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via IFTTT Good morning!. Sunrise at March 19, 2014 at 06:46AM, It's currently, 8ºC. Current condition is: Fair. Have a good one. #runwithk

Needed extra inspiration from our Baby Boy @shemarfmoore this Monday. #runwithk #babyboy

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Hey Self, Where You Headed? #Fitfluential #GirlsGoneSporty #SweatPink

 

Everyone has days, weeks, months where they feel that they have done less than they were capable of. It shouldn't imply to us that they are unhappy. Truth is they often did exactly what they were required to and often enjoyed that role. There is something to be said for setting a goal and hitting it dead on. Yet, for some there is that nagging feeling deep down that maybe it was just a little less than they wanted for themselves. In my Organizational Leadership classes we often talked about the "balcony view" and how it can in times of conflict help one to look at things from a distance and determine the next action. I have been attempting to take that balcony view in my own life. It is hard though to see your life from a distance without letting too much of the self doubt, occasional drama, and insecurity from creeping in too.

These last two weeks have marked that time for me where I have had some serious conversations with my self, usually in my car, and often I have come up empty to answering that age old question, "What Do You Want to Be?". Today was one that led me to do some serious soul searching and reflection.

What triggered this recent look back on all that was and what may be the future K? Well, at work today we did an exercise that had us think about our past, present and future in order to best help our students going through this same thing. One question dealt with where we saw ourselves going 7 years ago. I had to ask my future self this question (paraphrasing here) , "Hey you, self, what did you think you were going to be now"? Followed by, "If you didn't hit that goal, what are you going to do about it"?

Shit.

Then it got better (sarcasm) and I had to ask myself "Okay self, if you didn't feel bad enough that you did not figure any of that that out or even remotely do THAT one thing, where do you want to be in another 5 years?"

At that point my inner self was stunned in to silence.

Maybe it is because I am turning 40 next month and I could be just dealing with some version of a post mid-life crisis. Who knows. Either way, I had these repeated conversations with my inner self  today and between the two of us we are still no closer to learning the answers. I envy those people that as kids knew they were going to grow up to be doctors, lawyers and teachers and made that happen. Though I always saw myself teaching someday, if you were to ask me what I would teach you would like get a blank stare. I never had that a-ha moment where it all was suddenly clear to me.

Though I feel confident in what I do everyday and love helping people receive the education that I know they need, there is always that nagging conversation that I have with that inner self. It likes to argue that "it is not ever going to be good enough". Again let me stress that I love what I do. I guess I just thought that by now, after all that I have worked through to get here, that someone somewhere would see just some small spark in me telling them that I could do SO MUCH MORE.

That someone would take a chance. On me.

I am grateful for every step I have made thus far, but I cannot deny that determined inner self  of mine that wants to keep going upward and not to just maintain a steady course.

What I can tell you all and that annoying inner self is this: I am not giving up.

I know there is a purpose for me. I know that one day I will have that a-ha moment. One day, I will sit on my couch with my dog, drinking a cup of Joe, and it will hit me. Bam!

Until then, I am going to find some peace in knowing that I have friends and family that for some reason feel that I am pretty awesome to be around. Until I figure out what I was destined to become, I will just have to enjoy what I am.

I swear I really do have race reports and reviews to finish and post. However, today this needed to be written. And so it was.

The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses - behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights. - Muhammad Ali

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via IFTTT Off to Sam Boyd for The Hit and Run 5K. Very glad the sun reappeared for this wet and crazy run. #runwithk